Breathless and tired I sat on the damp rock with the mist surrounding me and talked to God in my mind. I said “Okay God I am here. . . You could have at least have removed these clouds for me. I can barely see you. I have driven 3 hours alone…Where are you?” Still there was nothing. Isn’t it sad that we expect God to do some miracle to prove himself to us as if he is on our time and that we are not on his. I waited for God and soon my fears came to haunt me. You are alone Kanya…if you died right here no one would know.Do you really think people care about you? My mom had already said it was a stupid idea for me to be in the mountains alone. Suddenly I felt like she was right. I got scared. “God remove these fears.” I got a brief moment of suicide which had never crossed my mind. I panicked and began to run down the mountain, like a child that had just seen a ghost. I ran as if my life depended on it. As soon as I came to the open path, a busload of tourists were right in front of me. I stopped dead in my tracks and began to walk as if nothing had happened.
Although I was mad that I didn’t feel Gods presence or didn’t have that Godly moment which I was so searching, I realised that when we begin to search for God – the devil searches for us. The devil loves it when we are unhappy, when we are senseless and engulfed in unhealthy relationships, money and greed. These are the false illustrations of happiness and our inner being screams until it isn’t heard anymore. God rescues us by saying “Wake up there is more to life!” hopes that inner feeling will move us into a search for Him.
I think we all have different paths that God has called us to walk on.- when he calls us or when we realise He is actually real. It could be to leave all your treasures and find Him? It could be to leave the person you love in order to find the maker of Love, it could be to be in a place where you feel the presence of evil and realise then there must be a God. Whatever it is and whenever it happens you will know…your heart gets stirred up and you acknowledge this void that only God can fill. When it does don’t think about yourself…you will be just as confused. Just like the beginning of the movie, she got on her knees and prayed and God lead her step by step. Just get down on your knees and pray, and the light will begin to shine through the darkness.
God hears every prayer and counts every tear that falls J.